This was written in response to Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s 2022 grovelling to Parliament and to the world when he and his entire office were caught out breaking the rules he had laid down for the rest of the population to lessen the risk of contracting Covid-19, which at that time was killing thousands of people, and against which the precautions were highly necessary. It is, indeed, my own summary of what he actually said, as he squirmingly tried to avoid having to resign shortly before he resigned. However, three years on as I write, given everything that is currently happening, it feels like there are whole shiploads of policians who ought to be apologising to us for any number of stupid reasons; but I suspect, if any of them ever felt driven to do so, this is pretty much the kind of drivel they would come up with. Though of course there are those politicians who will never, ever, apologise for anything, however disastrous their many mistakes . Make your own list.

‘‘I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. All I can say is, I’m sorry. I mean it, I really do, I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. I made a mistake. I accept that I made a mistake. I certainly can’t deny that I made a mistake. It was an error of judgment. I whole-heartedly acknowledge that error of judgment. Can we talk about something else now? I understand why people don’t believe it was an error of judgment. It didn’t look like an error of judgment. It looked like the deliberate act that it was. But it wasn’t. It was an error of judgment. And for that I give this apology. This heart-felt apology. I’m very very sorry. Please can we talk about something else? I didn’t lie to any-one. I didn’t mislead any-one. I didn’t tell a single untruth, even though they were untruths. I know that what I said wasn’t true. But I didn’t know it wasn’t true even though I did. I wish we could talk about something else now. It happened. I’m in no position to say it didn’t happen. It did. But I absolutely didn’t know at the time it was happening. It clearly was, which I knew at the time, but I didn’t know it was. For that I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. I ask you all to accept my apologies. My profound, meaningful and sincere apologies. I’ve been punished for whatever it is I might have done, if indeed I did it, which I did. That’s why I’m sorry. I’m really, really, really sorry. That’s all I have to say. So now, can we all, please, talk about something else?’